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IF I WERE A NASCAR DRIVER TROPHIES

One of the best things about being a driver (or in my case dreaming of being a driver) is getting trophies. So what if I like being rewarded for my success? Who does not?

When I say trophies, I do not mean the statuettes that sit on your coat or bookshelves, but those that actually do something. Trophies that entertain or help me in some way (say, tell time) are the ones I would look for.

Do not get me wrong, all the trophies are nice, but I want something cooler. Is that too much?

In this sense, below are the five trophies that I would most like to win. Of course, every rider wants to take home the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Championship Trophy and the Harley J. Earl Trophy for the Daytona 500. Of course, these two are not eligible. It should be obvious that I want to win this.

However, do not be surprised if none of the trophies on my list are stationary ones that do nothing but sit there and look pretty.

Lobsters: After watching the race this weekend in New Hampshire, I was reminded how much I would like to take a lobster home. And you know what? I’m not even sure I like lobster. I’ve had it once or twice, but I wonder if it was really lobster or imitation lobster (is there anything like imitating crab?). I might eventually decide to eat it, but I’m not 100 percent sold on the idea. No, I am not a vegetarian or vegan. However, I am more fascinated by the idea of ​​keeping the lil ‘crustaceans as pets (okay, if you’ve seen the size of the sucker they have in Victory Lane, perhaps with the adjective “lil” being inaccurate) and putting him in lobster Enter race. That must be a real thing, right? If so, I would be on the sideline and cheer for Pinchy. I think that’s the perfect name for a champion lobster.

Guitars: I think I may have admitted that before, but I have absolutely zero musical abilities. And that goes all the way to playing the guitar. But that does not stop me from wanting a Les Paul guitar with original artwork from NASCaR’s first officially licensed artist, Sam Bass. I’m pretty sure I would look cool, as if I knew how to play and I could even sign up for a lesson or two. In my opinion, Nashville Superspeedway, which awards every race winner a unique guitar, is beyond genius. If I won one as a rider, I’d wish they had guitar lessons. Maybe I would use my prize money like that. It’s too bad that Kyle Busch had to destroy one in Victory Lane in 2009.

Jukeboxes: I’ll be honest with you. Before this year’s NASCAR race weekend in Kentucky, I had no idea that the track would give all three race winners a jukebox. And apparently they did the same thing in 2015. Where was I? Although I have no musical talent, that does not mean that I do not hear good music. I’m not going into what I think is good music here (maybe later), but I’m sure most music would sound big blast from my newly acquired Crosley Radio Jukebox. I think a jukebox like this, as well as the previous trophy, could be the perfect foundation for a man cave or game room that would be the envy of the neighborhood. Do not you automatically have a jukebox in your house? There is a law about it somewhere. In hindsight, I’ll probably lose all the cool points I’ve earned for owning a jukebox by simply asking that question. Well. At least I would own one more.

Grandpa Clocks: Okay, so grandfather clocks might not scream trendy or hip, but if you have a cool story about how you got them, they are pretty hard to beat in the pantheon of big trophies. And you’ll be even cooler if your story contains reports of Jimmie Johnson being held while you fight for the lead, or how you made a last-lap pass from Dale Earnhardt Jr. to gain that beauty. The story behind the grandfather clock and the Martinsville Speedway make these watches even cooler. The shortest leg of the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series began awarding Ridgeway grandfather clocks to race winners in the 1960s. They were so popular and well received that the tradition held and is still presented every year. They were once built in nearby Ridgeway, Va., Before the company’s production was relocated. I do not care if I can not eat, race, play or dam it, I would still like to win at least once in Martinsville, if for no other reason than to own a Ridgeway grandfather clock.

Gladiator Swords: If you’re a Speedway and you’re being billed as “The Last Great Coliseum,” is there anything Aproposs to give the winner of one of your races a gladiator’s sword? I do not think so. Of all my trophies (and that’s a big assumption that I actually had many), I would be a little hesitant to show it prominently. I would not hide it because I do not like it, but because I have two young boys who are constantly looking for things to give them one advantage over the other in their endless struggles. I could only see one of them telling the other, “Your plastic shield does not match the sword I found in Dad’s man cave.” I would prefer to avoid situations like these; but it does not mean that I do not like this trophy in my collection. Maybe I would keep this trophy at work.

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